it's TRUE IT'S TRUE! your first greeting leaves a huge impression!!!
I'm sure as you think about times that you had your first encounter with someone that had a positive, sincere greeting you may get a smile on your face or a warm fuzzy inside. I have thought about people like that and wondered if people have that same response the first time I greet someone. Some folks I know say that it isn't their 'gift' to greet as they are shy or bashful.
The author tells of the friend that made a point of learning how to greet, to be mentor by an older gentleman. I would contend that we have either 'learned' to be someone that can greet by example or not greet by example. But as the author points out it is the Christians 'way of life' to greet each other.
page 61- the author says that the beginnings of a relationship can vary from culture to culture but for all it's really starts with the sincere greeting.
Jesus engaged the conversation with a question that was out of the ordinary; catching his visitor totally off guard.
I was thinking about the way I try to greet people. I think it may depend on where I am, who I'm around and what's going on. The saying "How are you doing?" seems to be leaving the culture of today; instead you may hear, "hey" "what's up" or even a grunt! Whatever the greeting, they all seem to lean towards not being really wanting to know. BUT, I remember the first time someone greeted me with the right hand shake followed by the left hand on top of my right while looking me in the eyes and saying, "hello". That was different! It was almost as if though they really meant it!!!
It is greetings like that that gets my attention and introduces me to someone that has a concern when he/she asks me a question. Our greetings can be looked at like being the first step of ministry to those around us. We will either represent ourselves as open and accepting or closed and distant to wanting any type of relationship.
Imparting a Blessing- page 63
Although practised in the biblical times, it does seem a bit different in today's culture. I have a friend that will always ends our conversations with- 'blessings friend'. As good as I think that sounds, it sometimes bothers me- because.. . .. it's different! I wonder- can he do that! Can we 'give' blessing to each other? Undoubtedly the author has given many examples of doing that very thing- but they were biblical dudes!
Guess Who's coming to Dinner? page 64
Eating together has been a long time Baptist tradition! It was interesting that the author didn't really mention the church dinners or fellowships but rather opening one another homes to each other- any time. I relate to this, I love unplanned meals, visits, and company! As the author points out, it is the openness to allow people to see us as we are that transforms a relationship in to a true friendship. If people see your house with dishes in the sink, that's OK! really, it's ok!
Deeper Still page 65
There is nothing better than going on a mission trip for a week or two with new couples or families! When you return you will know them better than you could ever get to know them at home with our busy schedules. It's the hours together that allows to see each other for real.
I remember getting activated to Desert Storm. Our reserve unit of 50 people were united with over 1200 people to create the Fleet Hospital that we served. The initial activation was in New Jersey. We were given assignments with different people, did different activities with each other and played war together. During those initial 10 days the mask of fakiness fell off and people began seeing each other who they really were. Thus the same for any 'group' of people that get together.
Leaving Room in the Margins page 66
margins in life- "they fill up every available space with job, family responsibilities, and recreational pursuits and have nothing left in the reserve for unexpected crisis or opportunity."
WOW- the was a shot between the eyes- been there and done that- not a pretty thing! Being the social butterfly (or moose) like I am, when I book myself so tight that there is no breathing room I get frustrated and discouraged.
The author posses that we purposely pray about our schedules- what a bizarre concept! Ah, but I know that! He suggest that if we are too busy to have folks over for dinner once in a while than we might be a bit too busy!
I appreciated his thoughts about finding time with friends at the most unusual times. I enjoy asking people if they want to go to the store with me, have coffee with me, travel to see my mother with me- I just like being around people [or it could be i don't like being by myself- different subject different time!].
You Never Know.....
"Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angles without knowing it" Heb. 13:1-2 That's a tough verse! I can not think of one time that I have invited a total stranger into our home for dinner. Is that like picking the guy up off the Broadway Extension Bridge to bring home for dinner?
This chapter has brought home the importance of the greeting and the hospitality of beginning are relationship. These two acts will begin a relationship quicker than any, I would imagine.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
PART 2- OPENING THE DOOR
"Every friend you have today was once a stranger who crossed your path. Friendships begin in simple moments offered by a warm smile, a gentle word, or a kind act. They open the way for us to discover the treasures God has place around us." quote from Authenic Relastionships
continue Chapter 4
[Allen's Post}]
page 53 Honor One Another above Yourselves;
How is it that we, as a body of believers can truly honor one another? How does that look- ? The author I thought made some good points.
In the spring of this year I went to a conference in Philly with New Life Ministries. It was interesting to learn that when God is our lives and helping us identify sin that is causing our relationship to be hindered, it isn't always pleasant. Family disruption can take place, friends can turn on you, the peace in side of ourselves is hidden by the shame and guilt that has been placed on us by Satan, and all of these things; however horrific they are, are part of process of seeing God in all of His glory. When we allow God to help us overcome the obstacles in life that keeps us from that glorifying relationship with Christ we then have a testimony for Christ's working in our lives. To many times we are still not satisfied with that and find ourselves drifting back into the darkness of the sin and lies that have befallen us before. Why? I think that the answer has to do with what the author is talking about- "honor one another above yourself'. We need to be willing to speak of the dark times in life to those around us that are going through the same things. Many times when I have traveled through the darkness I just want to get out and stay out of it but I'm thinking until I reach out to those around me, that God puts in my path, and tells them of my own dark times, they may never be released from it; nor I! Charles Swindoll says, "You can not have a testimony without a test". Well said. If our lives are perfect, like I have tried to live life, then why would I need Christ?
Christ was totally honest with people but He was perfect. He has designed us to be totally honest with people about ourselves and showing how God has created in us the peace that comes from His forgiveness and acceptance.
The 'business' of church is sometimes endangering that type of honesty and relationship because we find ourselves going through the motions of doing and saying what we have always been expected to say or do.
The authors points out on page 54 that we are consumers going to church- what does that church have to offer ME! It is so true that as long as we are consumers within the church will will NEVER- NEVER understanding what Christian community is all about! God help us to understand that and strive to meet the true needs of others!
page 53 Honor One Another above Yourselves;
How is it that we, as a body of believers can truly honor one another? How does that look- ? The author I thought made some good points.
In the spring of this year I went to a conference in Philly with New Life Ministries. It was interesting to learn that when God is our lives and helping us identify sin that is causing our relationship to be hindered, it isn't always pleasant. Family disruption can take place, friends can turn on you, the peace in side of ourselves is hidden by the shame and guilt that has been placed on us by Satan, and all of these things; however horrific they are, are part of process of seeing God in all of His glory. When we allow God to help us overcome the obstacles in life that keeps us from that glorifying relationship with Christ we then have a testimony for Christ's working in our lives. To many times we are still not satisfied with that and find ourselves drifting back into the darkness of the sin and lies that have befallen us before. Why? I think that the answer has to do with what the author is talking about- "honor one another above yourself'. We need to be willing to speak of the dark times in life to those around us that are going through the same things. Many times when I have traveled through the darkness I just want to get out and stay out of it but I'm thinking until I reach out to those around me, that God puts in my path, and tells them of my own dark times, they may never be released from it; nor I! Charles Swindoll says, "You can not have a testimony without a test". Well said. If our lives are perfect, like I have tried to live life, then why would I need Christ?
Christ was totally honest with people but He was perfect. He has designed us to be totally honest with people about ourselves and showing how God has created in us the peace that comes from His forgiveness and acceptance.
The 'business' of church is sometimes endangering that type of honesty and relationship because we find ourselves going through the motions of doing and saying what we have always been expected to say or do.
The authors points out on page 54 that we are consumers going to church- what does that church have to offer ME! It is so true that as long as we are consumers within the church will will NEVER- NEVER understanding what Christian community is all about! God help us to understand that and strive to meet the true needs of others!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Chapter 4
[Allen] continuing from the last post-
page 48 "When you know that your whole life is in God's hands and that he can provide everything you need, you no longer have to fight for things at someone else's expense. You will find yourself relaxed enough to actually do that things that can bless someone else."
In the times of economy that we are having, how approriate for this statement to be talked about. Our lives doesn't revolve around the economy nor the stock market. Our life savings for our worldly posessions perhaps but when we get down to the bottom line, it is life of others that we should be most concerned about. God has promised to take care of our needs- "...Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." For me slowing down trying to do so much to take of our selfish desires would allow me more times for others. God will provide for the things I need.
at the end of the next paragraph it says, "No matter how much we may tell people we want to help, our demeanor may be screaming that we don't." Telling people, 'let's get together' really is meaningless unless we do it- and when we don't- that sends a loud message to them that we really don't care enough to make the time.
page 50 EXPECTATIONS
Christ had came to earth to live a life and to model example of life for all to see. Having the foreknowledge of the His disciples it would seem reasonible that He would chose people that would be more 'in tune' with His plan. But instead even after He had told them what was about to happen at Calvary they were still arguing who was the best and who would be reigning with him on his earthly kingdom- they didn't get it. He knew their weakness as humans and didn't expect more than they were capable of. That is a thought of comfort to me- God knows me, His expectations of me isn't higher than the ability He has given me to achieve.
What happens when we put expectations on our friends and they don't live up to them? How do we respond? "Disappointments are the surest test that you are a captive to expectations [page 51]." When I was in charge of a Sunday School Class I found myself doing this alot, having expectations of the students; which would always lead to diasters. Many times I would come away from the class being disappointed because of the expectations I had anticipated. "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen [page 50]." is exactly what was happening- I was sabotaging our relationship because of expectations that should of never been made on them.
devoted vs. committed
What a buzz word, committed? Committed to this and that, making packs, or vows to each other that many times finds ourselves not being able to follow through with. Page 51 talks about the word commitment and it wasn't used once in the New Testament! ouch! the word devoted is actually translated having kindly affection for others rather than to being committed! Relationship, rather than promises or expectations. Who are we to expect more out of others than what ourselves are unable to do. As we lose the expectations of others we allow to see them as Christ see them- our eyes are hoped to what we can do to serve them, to love them, and to be real with them.
page 48 "When you know that your whole life is in God's hands and that he can provide everything you need, you no longer have to fight for things at someone else's expense. You will find yourself relaxed enough to actually do that things that can bless someone else."
In the times of economy that we are having, how approriate for this statement to be talked about. Our lives doesn't revolve around the economy nor the stock market. Our life savings for our worldly posessions perhaps but when we get down to the bottom line, it is life of others that we should be most concerned about. God has promised to take care of our needs- "...Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." For me slowing down trying to do so much to take of our selfish desires would allow me more times for others. God will provide for the things I need.
at the end of the next paragraph it says, "No matter how much we may tell people we want to help, our demeanor may be screaming that we don't." Telling people, 'let's get together' really is meaningless unless we do it- and when we don't- that sends a loud message to them that we really don't care enough to make the time.
page 50 EXPECTATIONS
Christ had came to earth to live a life and to model example of life for all to see. Having the foreknowledge of the His disciples it would seem reasonible that He would chose people that would be more 'in tune' with His plan. But instead even after He had told them what was about to happen at Calvary they were still arguing who was the best and who would be reigning with him on his earthly kingdom- they didn't get it. He knew their weakness as humans and didn't expect more than they were capable of. That is a thought of comfort to me- God knows me, His expectations of me isn't higher than the ability He has given me to achieve.
What happens when we put expectations on our friends and they don't live up to them? How do we respond? "Disappointments are the surest test that you are a captive to expectations [page 51]." When I was in charge of a Sunday School Class I found myself doing this alot, having expectations of the students; which would always lead to diasters. Many times I would come away from the class being disappointed because of the expectations I had anticipated. "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen [page 50]." is exactly what was happening- I was sabotaging our relationship because of expectations that should of never been made on them.
devoted vs. committed
What a buzz word, committed? Committed to this and that, making packs, or vows to each other that many times finds ourselves not being able to follow through with. Page 51 talks about the word commitment and it wasn't used once in the New Testament! ouch! the word devoted is actually translated having kindly affection for others rather than to being committed! Relationship, rather than promises or expectations. Who are we to expect more out of others than what ourselves are unable to do. As we lose the expectations of others we allow to see them as Christ see them- our eyes are hoped to what we can do to serve them, to love them, and to be real with them.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Preface and Chapter 1
Here are Allen's Comments along with mine - in [ ] brackets
In the preface a statement caught my attention:
"If you have ever hungered for deeper relationships with other believers, perhaps you are ready to realize the difference between going to church and being the church"
That is a huge statement! going and being?
[ holy cow! that was a good statement - i was struck by how often we think that going and completing the task or fulfilling the duty is what constitutes church. 'being' is a great definition/word/illustration. I was listening to the new 'downhere' CD in which one of the songs is about that we are a 'Cathedral of People - not a building seen by human eyes'. It reminded me of 2 Cor 3:2-3 - we are living letters written on hearts]
pg 16 ..... many of us protect ourselves from the kind of friendships that connect us deeply with others.
[ i also marked this passage. I found it interesting that he remarks it is b/c of pain from past experiences and we end up conflicted. Good stuff]
pg 17 healthy relationships......are created by capturing Jesus' heart for life-changing relationships -
[I marked this too! How much have we captured Jesus' heart? I wish I have captured more.]
Story of Zacchaeus made me think of people we had went to church with at Northland. There was a couple that was unusual and thought of that way by most. they wanted to have lunch with us but we always found a reason not to. Looking back I wonder if we had missed out a blessing.
pg 18- ...... people who say they love you but only so long as you benefit them.
[Yep - sucks doesn't it. I wrote in my book on this point: Could this be an issue for a 'needs' based church approach? This continued on pg 19 where we have to move beyond task oriented relationships. I was struck by this. how many relationships do I have that are task oriented. I'm only in a relationship with them b/c it revolves around a task. AND how am I treating those in whom I don't have a task relationship?]
pg 19 .....we can escape the trap only by living the way Jesus did, not trying to get love for ourselves, but learning how to share it with others.
Discussion questions:
1> Think of one of the most significant relationships you have had in your life other than immediate family. Share about that person briefly and tell what made the relationship so special. Lloyd- my dad's cousin- he accepted me as I was. after a time of being together trust was built and being able to talk about anything was nature.
[Mike Hayes - he helped me understand what a prayer relationship with Jesus is all about and that I could talk about anything, especially beyond 'churchy' talk.]
2> think of one incident in that relationship that illustrates what you valued most about that person. what about friendship did you learn from the incident? he allowed me to have the feelings I did withouth judging me, rather he tried to influence me in ways that helped me see things the way Christ would see them. I learned that he cared enough about me to help me see life through the eyes of Christ.
[I grew to be able share aspects of my life not only with Christ but also as open confession or expression before brothers in Christ]
3> Make a list from these stories that defines what your group has already learned about the attributes of friendship. acceptance, listening, honesty,
[oooh - totally agree on the acceptance one. especially when hearing tough things. Integrity was another.]
4> How does this list relect the ways God has expressed his love to you? Which of these would you like to see in your relationships with other believers as well? God is willing to accept me with all my junk, He listens to my plies for forgiveness, and He honestly tells me the things I need to hear about life. Certainly I would like to have my believing friends to be the same way- and vise versus! I need to be accepting, listen, and be honest.
[absolutely agree! I will comment on this in the next chapter]
Hope you weekend with the outdoor enthusist(sp?) went well! I'm be excited to hear about it! Did we talk about getting together this week? [Great time - a little rainy.We did not talk about getting together. What does your schedule look like right now? Are Wed mornings good?PLUS - we have kittens now - 2 of them 'Simba' and 'Cleo' short for cleopatra.]
Have a great week brother.
In the preface a statement caught my attention:
"If you have ever hungered for deeper relationships with other believers, perhaps you are ready to realize the difference between going to church and being the church"
That is a huge statement! going and being?
[ holy cow! that was a good statement - i was struck by how often we think that going and completing the task or fulfilling the duty is what constitutes church. 'being' is a great definition/word/illustration. I was listening to the new 'downhere' CD in which one of the songs is about that we are a 'Cathedral of People - not a building seen by human eyes'. It reminded me of 2 Cor 3:2-3 - we are living letters written on hearts]
pg 16 ..... many of us protect ourselves from the kind of friendships that connect us deeply with others.
[ i also marked this passage. I found it interesting that he remarks it is b/c of pain from past experiences and we end up conflicted. Good stuff]
pg 17 healthy relationships......are created by capturing Jesus' heart for life-changing relationships -
[I marked this too! How much have we captured Jesus' heart? I wish I have captured more.]
Story of Zacchaeus made me think of people we had went to church with at Northland. There was a couple that was unusual and thought of that way by most. they wanted to have lunch with us but we always found a reason not to. Looking back I wonder if we had missed out a blessing.
pg 18- ...... people who say they love you but only so long as you benefit them.
[Yep - sucks doesn't it. I wrote in my book on this point: Could this be an issue for a 'needs' based church approach? This continued on pg 19 where we have to move beyond task oriented relationships. I was struck by this. how many relationships do I have that are task oriented. I'm only in a relationship with them b/c it revolves around a task. AND how am I treating those in whom I don't have a task relationship?]
pg 19 .....we can escape the trap only by living the way Jesus did, not trying to get love for ourselves, but learning how to share it with others.
Discussion questions:
1> Think of one of the most significant relationships you have had in your life other than immediate family. Share about that person briefly and tell what made the relationship so special. Lloyd- my dad's cousin- he accepted me as I was. after a time of being together trust was built and being able to talk about anything was nature.
[Mike Hayes - he helped me understand what a prayer relationship with Jesus is all about and that I could talk about anything, especially beyond 'churchy' talk.]
2> think of one incident in that relationship that illustrates what you valued most about that person. what about friendship did you learn from the incident? he allowed me to have the feelings I did withouth judging me, rather he tried to influence me in ways that helped me see things the way Christ would see them. I learned that he cared enough about me to help me see life through the eyes of Christ.
[I grew to be able share aspects of my life not only with Christ but also as open confession or expression before brothers in Christ]
3> Make a list from these stories that defines what your group has already learned about the attributes of friendship. acceptance, listening, honesty,
[oooh - totally agree on the acceptance one. especially when hearing tough things. Integrity was another.]
4> How does this list relect the ways God has expressed his love to you? Which of these would you like to see in your relationships with other believers as well? God is willing to accept me with all my junk, He listens to my plies for forgiveness, and He honestly tells me the things I need to hear about life. Certainly I would like to have my believing friends to be the same way- and vise versus! I need to be accepting, listen, and be honest.
[absolutely agree! I will comment on this in the next chapter]
Hope you weekend with the outdoor enthusist(sp?) went well! I'm be excited to hear about it! Did we talk about getting together this week? [Great time - a little rainy.We did not talk about getting together. What does your schedule look like right now? Are Wed mornings good?PLUS - we have kittens now - 2 of them 'Simba' and 'Cleo' short for cleopatra.]
Have a great week brother.
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