Here are Allen's Comments along with mine - in [ ] brackets
In the preface a statement caught my attention:
"If you have ever hungered for deeper relationships with other believers, perhaps you are ready to realize the difference between going to church and being the church"
That is a huge statement! going and being?
[ holy cow! that was a good statement - i was struck by how often we think that going and completing the task or fulfilling the duty is what constitutes church. 'being' is a great definition/word/illustration. I was listening to the new 'downhere' CD in which one of the songs is about that we are a 'Cathedral of People - not a building seen by human eyes'. It reminded me of 2 Cor 3:2-3 - we are living letters written on hearts]
pg 16 ..... many of us protect ourselves from the kind of friendships that connect us deeply with others.
[ i also marked this passage. I found it interesting that he remarks it is b/c of pain from past experiences and we end up conflicted. Good stuff]
pg 17 healthy relationships......are created by capturing Jesus' heart for life-changing relationships -
[I marked this too! How much have we captured Jesus' heart? I wish I have captured more.]
Story of Zacchaeus made me think of people we had went to church with at Northland. There was a couple that was unusual and thought of that way by most. they wanted to have lunch with us but we always found a reason not to. Looking back I wonder if we had missed out a blessing.
pg 18- ...... people who say they love you but only so long as you benefit them.
[Yep - sucks doesn't it. I wrote in my book on this point: Could this be an issue for a 'needs' based church approach? This continued on pg 19 where we have to move beyond task oriented relationships. I was struck by this. how many relationships do I have that are task oriented. I'm only in a relationship with them b/c it revolves around a task. AND how am I treating those in whom I don't have a task relationship?]
pg 19 .....we can escape the trap only by living the way Jesus did, not trying to get love for ourselves, but learning how to share it with others.
Discussion questions:
1> Think of one of the most significant relationships you have had in your life other than immediate family. Share about that person briefly and tell what made the relationship so special. Lloyd- my dad's cousin- he accepted me as I was. after a time of being together trust was built and being able to talk about anything was nature.
[Mike Hayes - he helped me understand what a prayer relationship with Jesus is all about and that I could talk about anything, especially beyond 'churchy' talk.]
2> think of one incident in that relationship that illustrates what you valued most about that person. what about friendship did you learn from the incident? he allowed me to have the feelings I did withouth judging me, rather he tried to influence me in ways that helped me see things the way Christ would see them. I learned that he cared enough about me to help me see life through the eyes of Christ.
[I grew to be able share aspects of my life not only with Christ but also as open confession or expression before brothers in Christ]
3> Make a list from these stories that defines what your group has already learned about the attributes of friendship. acceptance, listening, honesty,
[oooh - totally agree on the acceptance one. especially when hearing tough things. Integrity was another.]
4> How does this list relect the ways God has expressed his love to you? Which of these would you like to see in your relationships with other believers as well? God is willing to accept me with all my junk, He listens to my plies for forgiveness, and He honestly tells me the things I need to hear about life. Certainly I would like to have my believing friends to be the same way- and vise versus! I need to be accepting, listen, and be honest.
[absolutely agree! I will comment on this in the next chapter]
Hope you weekend with the outdoor enthusist(sp?) went well! I'm be excited to hear about it! Did we talk about getting together this week? [Great time - a little rainy.We did not talk about getting together. What does your schedule look like right now? Are Wed mornings good?PLUS - we have kittens now - 2 of them 'Simba' and 'Cleo' short for cleopatra.]
Have a great week brother.
2 comments:
Chapter 3:
....forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Eph 4:32
A verse to live by, I think! The example of Christ with the women at the well is great! The writer points out on page 36 the only person that 'had the right' to cast the first stone was Jesus himself, but instead He set her free with His graciousness. He handed her the 'get out of jail free card' when He told her to 'go now and leave your life of sin'.
- I'm going to chase a rabbit here- How many times have I went to Christ with the same sin, over and over again only to come away still feeling defeated? it is apparent that Christ is there for us, to give us forgiveness and compassion as He did for this woman. I wonder why I don't allow His forgiveness to be enough and to claim the victory over that sinfulness that is in my life? As Christ told her 'leave' it and go on with life! yea!!
page 37- "Forgiveness and acceptance are the detergents of body life that allow us to us to live free of the past." WoW! They work together- forgiveness 1st- we ask for forgiveness with true repentance. 2nd we need to RECIEVE that forgiveness so that we allow ourselves to be accepted back into our relationship with Him. It is tough to think that someone can forgive me with out having any fear of that being thrown back into my face. It is hurts like those episodes that stick with us. However, being told by the Lord Himself to go on with life is freeing. This also makes me think of times that I have thrown things back into the face of those that have hurt me. This is certainly not a Christ-like mannerism that would please Christ. A discipline that I need to learn is to forgive and go on with life as if it hasn't happened. Realistically, that won't totally happen but now that we have the knowledge of how throwing things back up to someone that we have once forgiven is not the right thing to do because Christ would never do that to us!
I appreciate that Jesus give mulligans, do overs!
page 38- i think that this is why relationships in Christ is all about. our Christian walk isn't one that we do by ourselves to reach a goal but a journey in which we are to look out for each other and help each other grow in our experiences with Christ. The illustration that book gives is that of a contest but not all worked together. The one that got to the top first thought he had arrived first and won. he had arrived early but what had he achieved getting there first. he hadn't helped anyone along the way, he didn't allow anyone to work with him to get to the top. It seems to me that when we are on this journey of life there is two ways to better enjoy life- share our struggles with others and allow others to help us with our struggles. Many times i find myself wanting to help others with their struggles but would never allow my weakness to be discovered by others. Who is a loss here? I would supeculate it is ME! James tell the early church to confess those things to each other for 'healing'.
page 39 "forgiving and accepting others simply means that we won't hold them accountable to us for their failures but will continue to respond to them with love and grace." wow! a soft place to land- people will respect the truth. we can speak truth and hold some one accountable with love and grace as Christ did. It is difficult for me to always allow the soft landing for people therefore causing them to shy away. Praise the Lord He is always there for us to hear the truth.
page 40 'forgiveness.. . . frees others from the demand of perfection as it overlooks faults and offenses.'
Interesting note of terms- "forgiveness is a unilateral act" where "reconciliation, however, is a process of healing between the offender and the offended".
Christ didn't mention reconcilation but He did say forgive! It's my responsibility to forgive but reconcilation doesn't happen that doesn't mean I hadn't done the right thing by forgive- it will be my job to forgive and try to forget- REGARDless if the offender recongizes his offenses. ugh!
note- "when Jesus forgave his executioners and the mockers who surrounded him on the cross, he refused to allow their selfishness to incite him to respond similarly."
What an important factor in having an authenic relationship- to be able to have some tell us their issues or concerns of life without us judging them or condemning them. But rather listen with an open and sympathic ear and love the heck out of them; as Christ has done for us. This is illustrated in the book, page 42 when the group told the leader he wasn't 'safe' to be around! Again, people don't need to be told what they have done is wrong or bad and they certainly don't need us to tell them how to fix it but rather they need someone to listen, have compassion and pray with them concerning what God wants and needs them to do in their own life. "it is simply means you respect their humanity enough to let them work though the process." wow!
How great is that illustration when you think of it as how God treats us! God is there to bear with us through our tough times to get lives sorted out. His love doesn't faulter- our obedience might but if we continue to come to Him with our burdens He is always going to be faithful to listen, love, and forgive.
We serve and have such a wonderful God!!!
chapter 4- It's not all about you!
This chapter has really and offensive title!;-) But how totally true this statement truly is! The intro to the chapter sums it up- " a self-focused life will unwittingly push others away." AND then page 47 quotes Mark- "For even the Son of Man did not come to the be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
This is tough for me but reading this has caused me to evaluate my life and how I live it. Has 'self' come in front of others? It seems that there should, according to worldly standards anyway, a balance of time for me and time for others but it seems that it is pretty straight forward that others should be priority of me. Not to say that we shouldn't have our time to be alone with Christ but if our centerness is only on me and not on others- perhaps this needs to be looked at.
"A life lived in love will only work out of a growing trust in God to provide for us and show us how to love people he has put near us." Doing for others isn't a task that we need to find but it is the awareness of the needs of people that God has put around us. This may not even be the people we go to church with but rather our unchurched neighbors, work friends, or others in the community that has nothing to do with church or GOD! We are His salt of the earth, he'll do the salting with His power through us.
page 48- to be continued.....
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